Walking Worthy of our calling #60 (Love and Respect: vital for marriage) Eph 5:33 “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

This is a verse which recaps and sums up all that has been said thus far about the marital relationship in order to apply it to the husbands and wives who read it. Again, as in many other places where Paul writes commands or instructions, he does not merely deliver them with a do this do that, rather he explains why whatever he is commanding is so important. Prior to this verse, Paul explains how the earthly husband/wife relationship is a picture of Christ and his church, how Christ is shepherding his church, sanctifying her by gently washing her with his Word. Paul explains this (how husbands are to love their wives in the same way as Christ loves the church) so that husbands and wives can have a better understanding about why love and respect must be given. Also, love and respect meet important needs that each husband and wife have, which God designed to be met through each other when they are accurately picturing Christ and the church.

“let each one of you love his wife as himself,” This command goes back to Eph 5:28-30 which says: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Paul uses the one flesh relationship to show how closely knit the husband/wife relationship is to the relationship between Christ and his church. In a marriage, as the two are to become one flesh, the two are to be a part of each other. Therefore, a husband loving his wife as himself involves him nourishing her and cherishing her: to rear up to maturity, to gently wash her in the Word, to make her feel loved and desired, to protect her and provide for her. Every woman has the need to feel loved by her husband, and God designed it that way…so that this need can be met when they are keeping Christ as the center of their marriage and are living out biblical principles in their marriage.

“and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” There are several reasons why this is important. First of all, as this passage in conjunction with 1Cor 11 and Gen 2 show, the husband has the divinely appointed role of leader in the marriage and the home. Therefore as she respects and submits unto him, she respects and submits unto God. Also, as we have looked at the husband’s responsibility, we can see that it is a huge one. As the one responsible for leading and shepherding his wife, he will be held accountable for all of the decisions that he makes. Therefore, because he has been given this weighty responsibility to shoulder, which has serious consequences if he doesn’t fulfill biblically (see 1Peter 3:7), she should respect him with this in mind. Also, just as every woman has a need to feel loved by her husband in order to feel secure, in the same way every man has the need to feel respected by his wife. When a husband senses that his wife doesn’t respect him, he does not feel like a man.

God designed the man and woman to complement and complete each other. Therefore we must strive to seek the other person’s interests above our own, relying on Christ completely to empower us to meet the other person’s needs. In doing so we will push each other toward Christ likeness as well as picture the relationship between Christ and his church.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #59 (The great Mystery…how profound indeed!) Eph 5:32 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

Paul links what he is currently talking about Back to Ephesians 2:11-3:13 which is the most detailed passage concerning the revelation of Christ and his church. both in Eph 5 and Eph 2-3, as well as other places in scripture this is referred to as a mystery.

To determine the definition of a mystery we must let scripture speak for itself. Romans 16:25-26 says: “Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages but has now been disclosed and through the prophetic writings has been made known to all nations, according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith” Ephesians 3 also shows that the church was a mystery in ages past which God has revealed through Paul and the other apostles. These verses all point to a mystery being something now made known which was preciously hidden.

The mystery of the church can be summed up in Ephesians 3:6 which says: “This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.” Ephesians 2:11-17 expands upon this mystery as it says: “Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called “the uncircumcision” by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands–remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near.”

As Eph 5:32 says, this mystery is indeed profound! This verse however expands upon what was already given about it on chapter 2-3 of Ephesians. Together with verse 31 they read: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” The one flesh relationship is not exclusively referring to that of a husband and wife, but rather it also refers to Christ’s relationship with his church…which is what the earthly marital relationship is to be a reflection of. How profound indeed this mystery is!

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #58 Leave, Cleave and Weave) Eph 5:31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Here Paul quotes Gen 2:24 to prove the point that he has been making regarding the relationship between the bride illustration and the body illustration. In the past couple of verses Paul shows how Christ takes care of us because we are part of his body, now Paul shows how this applies in the earthly husband and wife relationship.

Paul quotes Gen 2:24 to show that in the same way that Christ nourishes and cherishes the church because we are a part of his body, husbands must love their wives because they are a part of their body. An implication from the command to become one flesh is that the two can no longer operate as individuals, but must now operate as one, making decisions together and thinking of the other person’s needs in everything that we do. They are no longer two, but one. This is why verse 28 says that “he who loves his wife, loves himself.” Therefore, just as he takes care of his own body, he must take care of her in the same way.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother” This is the point at which the one flesh relationship begins. In this verse, the command is to leave, cleave and weave. The cleaving and weaving cannot take place until both the man and woman ready to step out from under the household of their parents, and begin a new household of their own. This involves being both physically ready and emotionally ready to leave. Physically in that they are ready to start a new household under a different roof than their parents and emotionally in that they are ready to start a new household not under the authority or control of either set of parents. This does not mean that new families should not be close with their parents and siblings after marriage, nor does it mean that they must live in a geographically different town/city. It does mean that they are ready to leave the authority of their parents to begin a new household with Christ as the center.

“And hold fast to his wife” this term “hold fast” is translated cleave in other versions. It is a concept that goes hand in hand with the idea of leaving. According to Strongs, the Hebrew word used for cleave in Gen 2:24 “dâbaq” means: “to impinge, that is, cling or adhere; figuratively to catch by pursuit: – abide, fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard, after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take.” They are to adhere to each other, forsaking all others for their spouse. This goes hand in hand with the command at the end of this verse for the two to become one flesh. While this does involve the physical union between a husband and wife, its implications are far broader than that. The two are no longer operating as individuals, but rather as a team, as one, making decisions together and constantly thinking about the needs of the other. Emotionally they are to become one flesh, being closer to each other than they are to anyone else on earth. Spiritually they are to also become one flesh, growing closer together as they seek to livingly help the other to be more and more conformed to the image of Christ.

Fulfilling this verse is absolutely impossible without Christ being the head and center of the marriage relationship. Also, as the body of Christ, God puts other couples who are a part of the church, in the lives of each married couple to help guide them through the difficult process of the two becoming one flesh. As in all other areas in life, God has designed the body of Christ to help its other members by sharing with them what God has taught them in their own lives.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #57 (Christ takes care of his church as his own body) Eph 5:30 “because we are members of his body.”

Verse 30 is a phrase which finishes verse 29. Together they read: “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” This verse explains why Christ nourishes and cherishes the church…it is because we are the church are members of His body. Therefore, since we are actually a part of Christ’s body, he takes care of us as such.

Part of Christ nourishing and cherishing the church involves his role in our sanctification. This is shown in 5:26 which also shows the means by which he does it. Christ sanctifies us by gently washing us with his Word. Patiently working on us, removing blemish by blemish so that we look less like the old man, and more and more like the new man, which after God has been created in righteousness and true holiness. Another way in which Christ works in bringing about our sanctification (actually it is seen as more of the role of God the Father) is in our discipline. Heb 12:10-11 “For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Contrary to how it feels at the time, discipline is would our growth, removing those spots and blemishes, so that we may yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness.

Another aspect of Christ nourishing and cherishing us as his own body is his provision and protection. Matt 6:25-32 says: “”Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.”

As members of Christ’s body we can be confident that he will lovingly shepherd us in our sanctification process and he continues to remove spots and blemishes by washing us with his Word. We can also be sure that he that cares so much for a seemingly insignificant sparrow, or a small lily in a field certainly knows our needs and is not only able to provide for them, but desires to provide for those needs.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #56 (Husbands, nourish and charish your wives) Eph 5:29 “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,”

Verse 28 shows that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies and verse 29 explains what he means by that. Paul states at the end of verse 28 that “he who loves his wife loves himself”. He goes on to give a little more insight into this phrase in verse 30.

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,” as I studied this passage, looking at several different translations they all use the same two English words to get the message across. These two words are nourish and cherish. To get a fuller understanding of what is involved here we must go back and look at the implications from the Greek.

According to Strongs concordance, the Greek word for nourish is “ektrephō” which means: “to rear up to maturity, that is, (generally) to cherish or train: – bring up, nourish.” This is what we do with our own bodies, we train them, provide for them, we bring them to maturity. It is fascinating that Paul uses this same word here to describe part of the responsibility of husbands to their wives. This goes hand in hand with verse 26 which says: “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” Just as we care enough for our bodies to provide for them and bring them to maturity, we are also committed the responsibility to bring our wives up to maturity in Christ.

The Greek word for cherish is “thalpō” which means: “(to warm); to brood, that is, (figuratively) to foster: – cherish.” This carries with it the idea of protection. Protection is a big part of the responsibility of a husband to his wife. This not only involves physical protection, but emotional and spiritual protection also. This term also shows the way in which husbands are to treat their wives in general. To cherish her means to tenderly take care of her. To show her how important she is, and to lovingly shepherd her to finding her worth in Christ.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #55 (Husbands love your wives as your own body) Eph 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

This verse comes on the heels of the command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and a description of what that looks like. Verses 25-27 says: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” After this Paul then adds in verse 28 “in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.”

Paul is sandwiching the example of Christ and the church with the command for husbands to implement this example. This emphasis shows just how important it is that husbands take heed to this command, step up and shepherd their wives, fulfilling the responsibility that God has given them to fulfill.

Verse 28 and the following verses further explain this command by adding a further dynamic to the command/example. There are three main comparisons used in the New Testament to illustrate the church: the bride, the body, and the building. Thus far Paul has only used the illustration of the bride in this passage, as he is dealing with how husbands are to love their brides. Now he brings in the illustration of the body and shows how it fits in to the illustration of the bride, and to help men to better understand how to fulfill their command.

This command for husbands to love their wives as they love themselves contains several implications, most of which will be looked at as we deal with the following verses. One implication deals with our own selfishness. We by nature tend to look out for our needs above the needs of everyone else. A way of putting it in modern vernacular is “I got to look out for number one”. However, one who commits to the responsibility of loving/shepherding a daughter of God MUST learn to look out for her needs above his own. This is not natural, and therefore it must be learned by following the ultimate example. Paul adds to this the phrase: “he who loves his wife loves himself.” The implications of this phrase will also be looked into deeper as we uncover the following verses in Eph 5.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #54 (The goal of husbands shepherding their wives in sanctification) Eph 5:27 “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

The previous verse deals with the command for husbands to oversee their wife’s sanctification, whereas this verse explains the reason why he has been given this responsibility. Together they read: “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

This passage is a beautiful illustration of what Christ is doing for us. He is working in our lives, sanctifying us with a purpose. This purpose is that he might present us to himself (to God) without spot or wrinkle, and that we might be holy. Again, this passage clearly shows that our sanctification is a process. It is easy to get frustrated when we don’t see ourselves growing as quickly as we would like to in various areas. Thankfully God is patient with us in our growth process. Ps 103:13-18 says: “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.” Christ is patient with us as he washes us with the Word, he remembers our frailty and gently sanctifies us in order that he will be able to present us to God blameless and holy.

In the same way, we as husbands have been given this huge responsibility to oversee the sanctification of one of God’s daughters. This verse shows that with this responsibility comes accountability. One day husbands will give an account to God for how well they have done in their responsibility to shepherd their wife in sanctification. This should be sobering to every man with this responsibility, as well every man who desires this responsibility. In the same way that the Lord remembers our frame, that he knows that we are dust, that we are frail, so we as husbands must do the same. This brings us back to 1Peter 3:7 which says: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” We too are to remember that they are the weaker vessel and thus dwelling with them in all understanding. As has been stated before, this verse also shows the weight of the responsibility…the prayers of the men who don’t dwell with their wives in an understanding way will actually be hindered.

The end of this verse says: “that she might be holy and without blemish.” This brings out a very important principle that too few people understand going into marriage. Too many people enter into the covenant of marriage believing that the ultimate purpose for marriage is their happiness. However, this verse shows that the primary purpose for marriage is not happiness at all but rather holiness. When two sinners say “I do” and begin the “one flesh” relationship, it will expose areas of selfishness and pride that they never even knew that they had. Many married friends constantly remind me that I truly do not understand how selfish I am…and that I won’t understand until I get married. This means that in this process of marital sanctification there will be times of great unhappiness as both learn on a deeper level of what it means to die to self. However, as both grow closer together in Christ, and they are both conformed more and more to His image, the joy of what a marriage relationship should be with Christ as the head and center will grow more and more.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #53 (The command for husbands to shepherd in their wives sanctification) Eph 5:26 “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,”

This verse is a continuation of the previous verse, further explaining the meaning of verse 25. Together they read: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,”

Paul didn’t just stop with the fact that Christ died for us, he explains that Christ gave his live for the church so that he might sanctify her. All too often we think of the purpose of the gospel as being to save us from the penalty of our sins…eternal separation from God in a place of torment called hell. I submit to you that this is merely a benefit of the gospel. The purpose, the end goal of the gospel is seen in this passage as well as others. 1 Peter 3:18 says: “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit,” Christ died on the cross so that he might bring us to God. Certainly this is both on an initial basis as well as a continuing basis. Christ brings us to God on an initial basis in that upon application of the gospel to our lives Christ places his righteousness on our account so that we may be declared righteous before God. Therefore we can come before him, with Christ acting as our high priest.

Christ also brings us to God on a continuing basis through our sanctification. Rom 8:28-29 says: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” This is what our sanctification is all about, being conformed to the image of Christ. This is something that Christ does as the husband/shepherd of the church. He sanctifies us (sets us apart) by cleansing us with the Word. It is the Word of God that cleanses us, teaches us and shows us how to be more like Christ. Christ is the one who is doing this in our lives.

This passage makes it clear that just as Christ is responsible for the sanctification of the Church, so are husbands responsible for the sanctification of our wives. This adds to the incredibly weighty responsibility of husbands. Not only are we responsible to love our wives as Christ loves the church, but we are responsible to oversee and shepherd them in their sanctification. We as husbands are to cleanse our wives by the washing of water of the Word. The Word here is not described as a two-edged sword, as it is described in Heb 4:12. Rather, in this context it is described as water, something very gentle and tender. This is how husbands are to shepherd their wives, by tenderly washing them with the word. This idea of tenderness goes hand in hand with 1Peter 3:7a which says: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” understanding that our wives are more fragile than we, both emotionally and physically requires husbands to be gentle and tender in the way that we treat them. Understanding the weight of this responsibility should further drive us men to our knees, knowing this is impossible without Christ. It should also drive us to the Word, to better understand how we can become better shepherds as we look to the great shepherd as our example.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #52b (The extent to which husbands must love their wives) Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

“as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” Now that we have looked at the command to love, and in turn, what love is, we must move on to examine the extent of which we are to love. Paul explains that we are to love our wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. If it’s not a tall enough order for husbands to love their wives with true biblical love, it is absolutely impossible to love to the extent that husbands are commanded to love. So what does this mean, to love their wives as Christ loved the church?

Christ loved us in his life, and he loved us in his death. Paul qualifies what he means by “loving wives as Christ love the church” by adding this statement: “and gave himself up for her. To get a better look at this we must go back to a very familiar passage. Phil 2:3-8 says: “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

The mind that was in Christ, that Paul commands us to have within ourselves has everything to do with selfless serving. Christ held our needs above his own to the point that he lay aside his glory, humbled himself to become a part of his creation. He served his creation while on earth while laying aside the use of his attributes for self promotion. In this same way husbands are to lay down their lives to serve and meet the needs of their wives. This is not a restraining chore, but rather a glorious privilege. While it is a struggle both for husbands to love to this degree, and for wives to submit to their headship, and there will be much tension and frustration as they grow together in these roles, as they do grow more and more into the image of Christ, love and submission become less and less of a struggle and more and more of a joy.

Christ also loved the church to the point of being obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. He submitted his needs to ours to the point that he died a humiliating death so that we might live! This is the type of love that God calls husbands to. Yes, to the point of literally laying down his life that hers should be saved, should the situation ever present itself.

An incredibly tall order for husbands indeed! One that is impossible to fulfill. That is the point. As men, seeing the incredibly heavy responsibility that we have to bear, it must drive us back to Christ, realizing just how inadequate we are. We can only love our wives as Christ loves the church if we are allowing Christ to love through us. This is another glorious example of his grace! And our need of his grace in our lives.

 

Walking Worthy of our calling #52a (The command for husbands to love their wives) Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

Here Paul begins the section concerning how husbands should treat their wives. While Paul only spends three verses addressing wives submitting to their husbands in this passage, he uses twice as much ink to deal with the husband’s responsibility. This section is the first of three checks and balances that Paul gives in dealing with this area of submission. This one is to ensure that husbands do not abuse their authority, while the other two, found in chapter 6 ensure that fathers and masters don’t abuse their authority.

“Husbands, love your wives” We as men are commanded to love our wives. We must look at the command to love before we look at the extent to which we are to love. There are hundreds of different ideas of what love is. Most people today believe that love is an emotion of exhilaration, of being infatuated with a person. Having this idea of love is very dangerous because Jer 17:9 says: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” therefore if our hearts are deceitful, we can be sure that our feelings will come and go based upon circumstances, and the will change based upon whatever mood we happen to be in. Having this view of love will lead to a very week commitment to a person, and is very self serving and feeling based. This is not the kind of love that we are commanded to have toward our wives.

Biblical Love is defined by Paul in 1Cor 13:4-7 which says: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Love as seen here, is not self serving, but rather involves constantly submitting one’s own wants, needs, and desires to someone else. True love does not think evil about another person. True love endures all things…regardless of feelings. This four verses in 1Cor 13:4-7 explain what biblical love it. It is not feeling based, but rather it is a choice. A choice which says that no matter how I feel, no matter what the other person says or does, I WILL put their needs above my own. This is the understanding that we must have about love if we are to begin to love our wives according to biblical love.

1Peter 3:7 says: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Women are different than men. They tend to be more emotional than we are, and we don’t always see things and think about things in the same way. Because of these differences, it can be difficult for men to dwell with their wives in an understanding way. However, a man who is exercising biblical love toward his wife will be overlooking the fact that he does not understand all there is to know about how she is wired, and giving honor to her as the weaker vessel. Peter goes on to say in this verse that if we are not doing this, our prayers will be hindered! It is a weighty responsibility to have the position of authority in a marriage relationship! May we strive as men to grow deeper in our understanding of what true biblical love is, and ask God for the wisdom and grace to put it into practice.